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You Don't Need to Change Other
People to Recover from Agoraphobia
by Stephen Price
Many people who suffer from agoraphobia feel like they need
to get the significant people in their lives to understand
and
support them before they can recover. This isn't true.
Two problems with this belief are:
1) Ultimately, you can't change other people.
2) If the people closest to you are thick-headed, obstinate,
or
stubborn then you are likely to waste effort and energy on
something pointless. You could direct this energy toward
what is
most important - your recovery.
One of the biggest frustrations in my experience with panic
disorder and agoraphobia was trying to be understood by
other people. Though my mother and father were both helpful
to my recovery in the long run, trying to get them to
understand me at first was another story.
When I was sixteen and agoraphobic, my mom had her 30th high
school reunion in a city two hours from our home. I was
afraid to
be left at our house by myself, but I was also afraid to
travel
with her and my dad to the city of the reunion. I can
painfully
remember my mom accusing me of sabotaging her trip to the
reunion, as if I were doing something willfully to keep her
from
enjoying the event. Other times she accused me of faking my
illness to keep from going to school.
One time during a bad hyperventilation spell, my dad said to
me
“any fool can breathe” and began taking in deep breaths
himself
to demonstrate. To me, it seemed like he was both insulting
me
and taunting me.
When I had agoraphobia,
I can remember thinking I needed to get my parents to
understand
that my disorder was real and give me credit for wanting to
get
better in order to recover. I also thought that if I didn't
win
their full support I would remain stuck in the house with
panic
disorder and agoraphobia forever.
The truth is, I didn't need to get my parents to believe in
me or
get them to change to start on my road to recovery – and you
don't need to change anyone who can't understand you either.
While it is nice, and helpful, if the people closest to you
are
understanding and supportive it is not necessary for
recovery.
Your recovery has to do with you and what you believe, not
what
others believe. Also, your recovery doesn't rest on the
attitudes
of other people about you. Remember that.
I recovered without ever fully convincing my parents that I
wanted to recover and without getting them to fully
understand my
disorder. You can get free from anxiety, panic, and
agoraphobia without having to convince anyone of anything as
well.
People who have never experienced irrational fear will
probably
not understand panic disorder or agoraphobia. Your energy is
wasted in trying to explain it to them over and over. Just
forgive them and let it go. Your energy is best spent on
doing the things you need to do to recover.
Don't focus on trying to change other people. Just do what
you
need to do to change the person you can – yourself. You have
what everything it takes to overcome panic disorder or agoraphobia.
Other people do not have the power to stop your recovery.
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