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Agoraphobia Recovery
Story by Dawn Bizzel
Stephen,
I came across your website this morning while doing a
little research on Agoraphobia. I am also a recovered
Agoraphobic. I also had my first big panic attack beginning
years of avoidance in the 8th grade. It happened at church,
the first place I avoided, though it was the place I needed
to be most of all. From there it spread to elevators,
airplanes, school, and any place with a lot of people where
I thought it would be hard to get out of without
embarrassment or where medical attention couldn't reach me
quickly should I need it. At the worst, I was afraid to eat
because I might choke and afraid to sleep because I might
not wake up. I was a tired and thin high school aged
student!
I
was diagnosed with depression at the age of 11 before any of
this started. Later that year, my grandfather-a father
figure in my life-died suddenly. The panic attacks
developed after that, as well as separation anxiety, social
anxiety, all leading me down the path to Agoraphobia by the
age of 13. Of course, I didn't and couldn't really explain
to anyone what was going on. At the age of 15, when I was
regularly visiting the nurse's office at school, an
article came out in the newspaper in my town about an
agoraphobia treatment group that was starting at a Pastoral
Counseling Center. My parents both read the article and
recognized me in it.
I began the treatment program, which consisted of behavioral
and cognitive therapy, desensitization, and going back into
those avoided places with my therapist and treatment group.
(I was the only kid in the group.) I learned breathing
techniques, relaxation techniques, to change my thinking,
and to recognize that I didn't have to be comfortable to
function. This treatment helped a lot, though it didn't
"fix" everything.
In
my early twenties, I came to the realization that part of
my issue with control and "worrying" about everything was
my not trusting God to take care of me and to do what was
best for me. This realization was very freeing for me.
I
have taken medication at times--more for depression than
anxiety. I occasionally experience anxiety when I am ill or
someone in my family is ill or in new situations. I also
still experience some anxiety when my husband has to travel
for business or when my children travel to the grandparents
for a visit with out me. Those times call me back to my
techniques and to God.
I am
researching and just reliving a little, those worst days. I
am taping a video testimony this coming Tuesday morning at
church. We are fairly new to this church. The minister is
getting ready to do a series called "Unclaimed Baggage." He
asked for volunteers. I knew I was supposed to say,
"Yes." One of the reasons I agreed to do it is he's not
taking the stance on fear, depression, or anger that says
"just pray it away." That is a dangerous and
isolating statement I've heard in churches for those of us
suffering. I used to give my testimony more, but haven't
in years. I've seen several things in my life lately,
showing that God is calling me back to it. I'm still fearful
of what people might think of me. My husband reminded me
how many people will connect with me, and how many new
friends I'm soon to have at church.
I'm happy to come across your website and your resources.
This wasn't available when my journey began. I am now 33, a
wife and mother and teacher of gifted students. I
am getting a master's degree in gifted education and present
at workshops to other teachers--things I wouldn't have
imagined myself being able to do 15-20 years ago!
Dawn
Bizzell
Psalm 108:1
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