Most of us who suffer from agoraphobia have frequent
panic attacks, but the people closest to us don't know
how to help us while we are having one. It is likely
that we don't even know how they could help us during a
panic attack.
Since panic attacks create an uncomfortable situation
not only for you - but for the people who are close to
you and want to help, I have written a short article on
how to help someone with agoraphobia during a panic
attack.
You might show this article to the people who are
closest to you.
If you are with
someone with agoraphobia who starts to have a panic
attack, you can be a major help or a major hindrance.
Here are some tips on how to be a major help.
First, ask ahead of time what the person would prefer
you to do during a panic attack. Some people like to be
left alone to concentrate on using their own strategies
to get through it. Some people like to be talked to or
touched. Knowing your friend or loved one's preferences
is the first step toward being able to help during
panic.
If the person with agoraphobia would like you to talk
him or her through a panic attack, ask what types of
things he or she would like you to say. If he or she
cannot tell you, here are some good ideas:
1) Validate the person's emotions. Tell the person that
you are sorry he or she is experiencing the anxiety or
panic. Acknowledge the person's feelings without
passing judgment. Whatever you do, don't try to use
logic or reason to explain why the person shouldn't be anxious. This
is the opposite of validating someone's feelings and can
make the person feel stupid for feeling anxious.
2) Let the person know you will stay nearby. The presence
of a "safe" person with whom the person is familiar and
trusts is very comforting to most people during a panic
attack. Sometimes it's not what you say to the person
having the panic attack, but just that you are there
that makes the difference.
3) Remind the person that panic, hyperventilation, and
the other physical sensations felt during panic are not
dangerous and that everyone lives through panic attacks.
Its good if you read up on the different sensations
people feel during panic so you can address them. For
example, a person may describe tingling hands and feet
during a panic attack and ask if he or she should be
taken to a doctor. Knowing ahead of time that tingling
sensations are a common physiological response to
hyperventilation might give you the confidence to let
the person know that these are normal feelings during panic - and keep you from
wondering if your friend or loved one might be having a
heart attack, stroke, or something dangerous.
If your friend or loved one with agoraphobia likes to be
touched during panic attacks then putting a hand on his
or her shoulder or back, or even holding his or her
hand until the panic subsides can be of great comfort.
Another idea is to lead the person away from the
situation or place that triggered the panic. This may
mean guiding the person out of a crowded restaurant and
helping him or her get to the car
to calm down. It might mean leaving an event in the
middle and driving the person home.
People with agoraphobia really appreciate it when
someone understands enough to help them out of the
feared situation and get to a safe place without
criticizing, judging, trying to talk them out of the
panic, or asking lots of questions.
When you are helping someone with agoraphobia out of a
situation that has induced a panic attack, it is best to
hold your comments and questions until later. Most
people cannot think during a panic attack and having to
listen to someone else's opinions or being faced with
questions will only annoy the person having the panic
attack, or cause him or her to start arguing with you.
As I said before, trying to talk someone out of the
panic with reason or logic will just invalidate the
person's
feelings. Its unrealistic to expect a person having the
panic to think rationally.
Whatever happens, stay calm and try to practice the
things I just discussed. Speak in low, soothing tones
and move using gentle, slow motions. The best thing a
person can have during a panic attack is the presence of
a calm role model who cares.
