|
How to Help Someone
Find Their Own Motivation to Recover from Agoraphobia
by Stephen Price (based on "How to Help Your Loved
One Recover from Agoraphobia" by Karen Williams).
Supporting someone with agoraphobia can be hard work and
very frustrating. It is highly likely there will come a time
when you doubt the agoraphobia sufferer's motivation. In
those times, the temptation is to try to push them to do the
things they need to do to get better.
If you have tried this, then you know that pushing someone
with agoraphobia can just lead to more resistance. The
alternative to pushing is to help the sufferer build his/her
own motivation to recover.
Believe it or
not, everyone with agoraphobia does not really want to get
well. Some people are benefiting too much from having
agoraphobia to really recover.
It is not
advisable however, to accuse someone with agoraphobia of
wanting to stay sick. This can be very insulting and some
people don't even realize or acknowledge the benefits they
are receiving from being sick. The first step to helping the
sufferer build self-motivation to recover is to understand what is
currently blocking it.
A major motivation-blocker for
agoraphobia sufferers is the fear of what they might lose if
they got better. These are things they are gaining from
being sick. They may fear losing:
To help an agoraphobia
sufferer get over fearing such loss, don't set them up for
it in the first place. Be careful that you don't provide
something for the sufferer that makes it too easy or
convenient for them to hold onto his/her disorder. If you
start doing too much for a person with agoraphobia (getting
groceries, going shopping, preparing meals, communicating
with others on their behalf, offering
financial support, etc.) you could unknowingly take away
his/her motivation to recover.
To keep an agoraphobia sufferer motivated to recover, do
just enough to help them make it - but not so much that they
don't have to face up to their fears. Don't make it so
the sufferer's life
becomes easier with agoraphobia than without.
It is also good to assure
the sufferer that your relationship with him/her will not
change with recovery. Agoraphobia sufferers often need
assurance that they will have still your love and attention
should they got well.
Besides fear of losing
love or support, other possible
motivation-blockers for agoraphobia sufferers are the fear
of responsibility and freedom that would come with
overcoming the disorder, the feeling that recovery would be
too much work, the feeling that they don't really deserve a
better life. the feeling that recovery is not really
possible, and the feeling that they aren't really
responsible for the problem (fate, genetics, parents, or
something else led to agoraphobia so recovery is not their
responsibility).
Some people are not
motivated to recover from agoraphobia simply because they
don't have a reason or purpose to recover. In other words,
there is nothing they are excited about living for.
Here are some more things
you can do to help someone find the motivation to recover
from agoraphobia:
Don't let him/her get away
with putting the responsibility for the problem on other
people - especially on you. Lovingly confront him/her if
this starts to happen and don't get involved in
conversations about how someone else is to blame for his/her problems.
Treat the sufferer like the worthwhile person you know
him/her to be and keep reminding the sufferer that he/she is worthy of a better life. Stay positive
about your friend or loved one with agoraphobia, be
encouraging and don't get involved in conversations about
why he/she is a bad person or deserves to
have agoraphobia.
Believe in the person even when
they don't believe in themselves.
Most of all - help the person find a purpose greater than
fear. This is one of the most important factors in anyone's
recovery - discovering a reason for living that makes fear
irrelevant.
Discuss their dreams and fantasies with them. Draw out their
desires. Engage them in discussions about their skills and
interests and what would bring them the most satisfaction in
life.
People who are driven to action by a heartfelt cause seldom
worry about what might happen if they fail. People who have
a reason for living are seldom afraid of freedom, choices,
or change. Their focus is usually on making a difference in
the world rather than on being afraid of what dreadful thing
might happen to them.
In the most extreme cases, people with a strong sense of
purpose do not even show fear in the face of death.
back to
articles
home
|
