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Top 10 Ways to be a Good Support
Person for Someone with Agoraphobia
by Stephen Price
Here are ten ways to be a healthy support person for someone
with agoraphobia (written by a recovered agoraphobic):
1) Offer unconditional acceptance.
This means being non-judgmental and non-critical. It means
not thinking of agoraphobia and the behaviors that go with
it in terms of good and bad or right and wrong. It means not
putting the person down or voicing disapproval when they do
things you don't understand. It means letting the person
know that you love them, care about them, and will not
abandon them whether or not they recover from agoraphobia.
2) Practice active listening.
Hear and validate the person's feelings or emotions by
making reflective statements to let him or her know that you
heard and understood.
3) Increase your knowledge and understanding by
reading about agoraphobia.
Read all you can about agoraphobia and listen to the person
who is suffering about his or her unique experience. Don't
assume you know what they are going through.
4) Help the person find a motivation to recover.
Help the person find a purpose greater than their fear. This
is one of the most important factors in anyone's recovery -
discovering a reason for living that makes fear irrelevant.
Discuss the person's dreams and fantasies with them. Draw
out his or her deepest desires. Engage in discussions about
their skills and interests and what would bring them the
most satisfaction in life.
5) Reward their progress and accomplishments no
matter how small.
Recovery is usually made in a lot of little steps. Sometimes
it takes a lot of work to gain just a little ground and its
easy for someone with agoraphobia to get discouraged at the
pace of recovery. Verbal praise and other rewards for taking
even small steps forward can be very encouraging and keep a
person motivated to keep pressing forward.
6) Show patience when the person makes mistakes or
suffers a setback.
Setbacks are a part of almost every recovery and are not
intentional on the part of the sufferer. Setbacks, no matter
how bad they seem, are usually temporary. In most cases,
setbacks only become major or prolonged when the person with
agoraphobia blows them out of proportion in his or her mind
(catastrophic thinking) and perceives them as worse than they are.
By showing patience and not getting upset when your friend
or loved one experiences a setback (and by not blaming
them), you can help him or her perceive setbacks as minor
and keep them from slowing down the person's recovery more
than necessary.
7) Respect the person's autonomy.
If you are helping guide someone's recovery from
agoraphobia, make suggestions and offer options, but always
leave the decisions to the sufferer. Giving the person
freedom to choose will help him or her gain a sense of
control over his or her own life - which is so desperately
needed to recover.
8) Always keep your word.
Let the person with agoraphobia know what her or she can
expect from you and follow through at all times. The
sufferer really needs to trust you and feel safe in your
presence. Agoraphobia is all about fear and people with
agoraphobia and panic attacks are usually very insecure.
Having a safe person they can trust helps build the security
they need. So don't promise more than you can do and always
keep your word.
9) Show confidence in the person's ability to handle
his or her own life.
Don't get into doing everything for a person with
agoraphobia. Challenge your friend or loved one to try
things he or she thinks they can't do. The more you show
confidence in the person's ability to handle things, the
more likely the person will gain greater self-confidence.
10) Take care of yourself.
To be a good support person, you need to stay rested and
model good self-care habits. Don't make your whole life
revolve around the person with agoraphobia. Keep up with
interests, social activities, and relationships that don't
have anything to with helping your friend or loved one
recover from agoraphobia. Learn your limits and don't try to
do more than you can do. Be able to say no when you aren't
able to help anymore and don't be afraid to ask someone else
to help you when you need to rest so your patience and
energy need to be revitalized.
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